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February 22, 2015 5:03 pm / takingbacksingle

Confusion and stress

I’m so sick of being so easily affected by guys I date. But rejection or not being treated with respect always hurt. Friends and family say to not take things so seriously, to chill out. I try, but it doesn’t work. I’m a sensitive person and this is how my emotions work. Over drive.

I had a date two weeks ago that I was really excited about. We had talked once before but I felt that we had a connection. It was the first time I was excited for a date in a while. The date itself was not great though. I didn’t really feel that we connected so much and he said some things which I found a bit weird.

I wasn’t sure about him. I was anyways going away for a trip for a couple weeks and did not have to decide about him right away. To my surprise, he seemed pretty into it. He texted me the night after the date and called me two days later. During my trip he sent me somewhat lengthy Facebook messages and we talked a bit back and forth. Towards the end the conversation got quiet but I figured he would pick it up once I got back as he was excited about me returning. Although the date wasn’t great I felt that I wanted to give it a second chance. His messages were sweet and I wondered if perhaps he had just been nervous on the date. I also remembered how excited I had been before the date.

But since I’ve gotten back I haven’t heard from him at all. It’s now been almost 10 days since his last text (when I was away). It’s not that I felt we had a really strong connection, but his messages had convinced me to give him a second chance and I felt excited about it, hoping the second date would be better.

Now I’m confused. If he didn’t want to go out with me, why try to keep in touch with me when I was away? Was he just bored? Is he playing hard to get? I’m sick of these types of games. If he hadn’t contacted me I would assume he wasn’t interested, but after the effort he made I just don’t understand what is going on.

I’m wondering if I should shoot him a message to see what is going on. One message can’t hurt. But at the same time, maybe I should take this as a sign that he is not interested. Or that he plays game. The first date wasn’t that great to start with so maybe I should just let it go.

I just feel tired of this stress and worry. I wish I didn’t have to devote so much energy to worrying about this situation, but it feels like I can’t stop myself. I just go into this mode. I try to be more relaxed, but the only time it works is when I know I am not interested in the guy at all. Then I am completely relaxed and the person I want to be. But if I have any interest in him (even here, where I am not very excited) I get so worked up.

Yeah, it’s easy to tell people to just relax. But for some of us, that’s just not whp we are, no matter how much we wish we could be.

March 12, 2012 6:23 pm / takingbacksingle

Love on the stage

I met D when I was taking an improv course in New York City (which I highly recommend, by the way). Throughout the course I thought he was cute, and I could tell he felt the same way about me. We hung out a couple times at the bar after class. The last night, after our graduating show, we were flirting all night and I felt the sparks as our thighs touched. He offered to walk me home and we talked and laughed and he kissed me goodbye in crowded Grand Central. It was like a movie!

We made plans to hang out again and ended up walking around in the city making out in front of fountains and monuments and getting dinner. The date was awesome! The conversation was great and we realized we love the same food, shared similar values and senses of humor. And he was so cute! I was really happy.

The next couple of days he even called me on the phone and we talked several times and made plans to hang out again. From the start of the second date, though something was off. He was 20 minutes late, and his only excuse was that he had been at the gym. The conversation felt forced and awkward, he kept on asking me about me, but would not answer any questions in return. He made me return some clothes with him and took forever looking at clothes for himself. I was so confused! Only a couple of days ago had he been so attentive and he had even been calling me every day in between our date. During dinner he was equally aloof, he was checking his phone, making half hearted conversation. The conversation picked up a bit halfway through dinner, but by then I was kind of over the whole thing.

Later on, we went to a jazz club type place and he started becoming more affectionate, telling me how adorable I was, how he really enjoyed spending time with me. In the cab we shared home, he turned panicked asking whether I wanted to see him again. The issue was that we were both leaving for different places in a couple of days and would not both be back to NY for a couple of months. I didn’t really respond, confused, but suddenly, he looked incredibly sad, grabbing my hand, saying he really wanted me to say that I would see him again. We kissed and then I had to get out of the cab.

I was more than confused the following days. I told him I didn’t want to go out again as we were both leaving in a couple of days. I thought it was all over. But then he sent me a long personal facebook message asking me how I was/ talking about his life, etc. I responded but then it took him a full 2 weeks to get back to me. When he got back to me, it was with an even longer letter- type message. But I was done with it. I felt like he was playing games with me, acting hot/cold, purposely taking time to respond to my message. There was just something off with him.

It’s been a month or so and I haven’t heard from him again since not responding to his message. But I am really happy I went on those dates because I learned that I don’t want a guy who plays games. I want a guy who lets me know if he’s into me. I want someone who won’t play hard to get, someone who makes his intentions clear. 

I think a lot of women today don’t realize that many times, they deserve better. Many of my friends stay with guys who won’t become exclusive/ who cheat/ who won’t introduce them to his friends… Seriously, women, if a guy is not treating you the way you’re treating him, get out as soon as you can. Sooner or later a guy who is not crazy about you will leave you and you can never get back the time you were together.

I think that that’s why dating is so great, it helps us learn what we don’t want. Plus, it makes for some cute stories! Really, I think I’m the only one of my friends that has made out in front of fountains all over New York City. Anyways, what are your weird dating stories? How do you weed out which are the “good guys”?

March 12, 2012 12:42 am / takingbacksingle

I’m back!

Hey guys,

It’s been a while since I last posted, I’ve been super busy lately, but I’m hoping to get back into it.

Let me start by writing about a friend of mine that has been annoying me lately. M is a very pretty girl who loves photography and singing. But she seems to be one of those girls who since they have always been told how pretty they are, it has been internalized (now I’m somewhat guilty of this myself, but that is for another post). The other night when we were out, she was wearing a shirt that showed off half of her bra and most of her back. She was slithering against the wall like some kind of rap music video and every so often she would start shaking her ass in my face, trying to get me to dance with and like her. Seriously? I love dancing, but for me it’s just for fun, not trying to look sexy. If she wants to dance like that, fine, but trying to get me to do the same, so she presumably would not feel awkward is just rude. The other day my friends were doing some improv games (I have such awesome friends!) and it just so happens that while the guys in that group are all super sweet, they are somewhat nerdy and uncomfortable with women/sex/etc. Every time M joined a scene, she was either a stripper or some other seductive woman character. Of course it was funny how awkward the guy she was acting against (she always picked the scenes with a guy) looked but it got old quickly. Similarly, if there’s a lull in a conversation, she always has to make some sexual comment/ joke, even when it is clearly not the right place and time. I feel as if M defaults to being sexy when she doesn’t know what to do.

And I do feel bad for her, I mean, how low self confidence must she have that she thinks the only dance moves/ acting/ conversation she can do that are good have to involve sex? But at the same time, I’m so annoyed that it’s hard to feel bad. I just want to tell her to chill out.

Anyways, that’s all for now. Looking forward to getting back into blogging!

– J

October 20, 2011 12:13 am / takingbacksingle

What I love about my body

Today is Love Your Body Day and I didn’t even know it until someone told me!

I was walking on the street, and a girl came up to me and said “Did someone tell you you’re beautiful today?” and handed me this sticker. She really made my day!

I think it’s great that we have a “Love Your Body Day.” Girls deserve to love their bodies, and hopefully this day is just the beginning. I would hope girls and women can love their body every day, and if that is not yet the case,  starting today is great!

Reasons why I love my body:

  • It’s beautiful. I think I’m the perfect balance between curvy and skinny.
  • It’s healthy ant fit. I can run, dance and swim. I’m not sitting in a wheel chair. I don’t get aches all the time. I don’t have cancer.
  • It craves food and I love food!
  • It is my main mode of transportation. Without legs I wouldn’t be able to get places.
  • It looks great with and without clothes on!
  • Some day in the future, I will be able to have kids thanks to my body.

Those are all for now. What do you love about your body?

October 12, 2011 12:24 am / takingbacksingle

Shocker: apparently no one’s waiting for marriage these days

I came across this article on CNN, titled, “Why young Christians aren’t waiting anymore” and it deals with the same issue as my post from a couple of days ago. According to CNN, young Christians are no longer waiting for marriage to have sex. I guess I’ve started a trend…

Well, first of all, I don’t think this is news per se, maybe it’s just that people aren’t forced to marry after having sex like in our grandparents’ generation. My first thought is why do these people care? But I guess I’m also not a Christian, so maybe from that perspective it has a more significant meaning.

At the end of the article, the author asks what pastors should do to deal with this problem. Maybe they need to rethink their stance. I don’t think this trend is reversible, just as gay people will not disappear if you pray enough… Sex is a big driving force in human behavior, and this fact just needs to be acknowledged.  My thought is, let’s just move on with our lives already?

October 9, 2011 10:37 pm / takingbacksingle

Halloween: an excuse to wear almost nothing


(Google “slutty Halloween costumes” and you’ll find photos a lot less PG13 than this one)

With Halloween only a couple of weeks away, it’s time to think about costumes. Now dressing up can be fun, but something I don’t get is why so many girls and women use Halloween as an excuse to wear lingerie in public.

I had always been one to come up with clever or at least funny costumes. I was a pumpkin, the Statue of Liberty, Queen Amidalah from Star Wars (yes I’m a bit of a nerd). But in freshman year of high school, a bunch of my friends were apparently dressing up as Disney princesses. I must have given them a confused look, because one of the girls said, “It’s not what you think… These are mature Disney Princesses.” I was puzzled, but the next day I understood. Cinderella featured a non-existent skirt, and Jasmine was a bra with some beading on it. I was dressed up as Pocahontas, with feathers and moccasins and had clearly missed the memo.

I don’t think wearing only underwear with a hint of a costume counts as dressing up. Maybe “dressing down”?

It seems that everyone is doing it too. The shy, held back girls apparently feel no inhibitions on October 31st.

What’s so different about Halloween? Pictures will still be taken, judgments will still be made, and creepy guys will be even worse. Why do girls wear things they would never wear outside of the bedroom any other day of the year?

People talk of letting loose. I would say letting loose is having one or two drinks, dancing with my friends, not worrying about the typical day to day stresses. What does wearing slutty costumes have to do with letting loose? And if you’re looking to meet someone, I would think it’s pretty hard for a guy to take a girl seriously who is almost naked.

October 9, 2011 12:03 am / takingbacksingle

Why I’m not “Waiting for Marriage”

Promise rings and Miley Cyrus (not sure if I believe her- but I’ll try not to be judgmental) proclaim, “True Love Waits.” What’s the whole purity ring that seems to have become a trend among the latest generation of Disney Stars?

According to Wikipedia, the purity ring movement started in the 1990s, by Christian pro-abstinence groups. But the notion of waiting for marriage, has existed for a whole lot longer than two decades. Many religions talk about the importance of being chaste. Not too long ago, girls were considered unmarriable if they were not virgins, that’s why they were married off so early. And this notion still exists in the Middle East, creepy as it sounds, a family’s honor may be ruined by a daughter doing it with the neighbor boy. The term “Honor Killing” refers to a father or brother killing their own daughter/ sister because she has dishonored her family. Many times, these killings are caused by suspicions which are proved false, when the girl is already dead.

But apparently, the Middle East is not the only place where one’s honor depends on one’s virginity. In more observant circles of many religions (Christianity, Judaism) here in the US, men want to marry virgins.

Now I don’t find anything wrong with a woman (or man) wanting to wait until marriage to have sex, whether for religious or moral reasons. I think it’s great if it works for you. But I think this should be a personal choice, not one pressured by one’s family or community. And the whole purity ring movement freaks me out? If the point is to not be seen as a sexual object, why would you want to showcase your virginity, broadcasting to the world a very private choice?

I don’t know everything about these communities, but I get the feeling that more often than not, it is expected (or at least can be overlooked) if the boys mess around before settling down. After all, boys will be boys, right? But girls, no of course they should wait, because girls don’t have those kinds of urges! That would be unladylike!

And what’s the whole deal with fathers giving their daughters the ring? I’m not quite sure why, but I just find it creepy for a father to be so occupied with, to put it bluntly, the state of his daughter’s vagina!

I believe in waiting… for marriage? no, for love? yes. I don’t think sex is purely a physical act that means nothing. I think it should be shared between two people who care for each other, but I also believe that if you love each other, and both people are ready, sex is awesome!

I’ve heard the, “If he can test drive the car” or “if he can drink the cow’s milk” arguments, both which say that if the guy can have sex, there is no reason for him to stay with you. I don’t know about you, but I would like it the reason why a guy stays with me is not that he’s waiting for sex. I would like it if he stays with me because he loves me.

September 30, 2011 1:42 pm / takingbacksingle

Midyear resolutions

So yesterday was Rosh Hashanah, which is the Jewish New Year. After eating the customary apple slices dipped in honey, I was thinking about what a new year means to me. And that got me thinking about new year resolutions. I only ever made one and it was to start working out, which I did, but I wondered if making some goals could really help me out.

I think there is a lot of value in making resolutions, especially ones that deal with big issues you have been struggling with like low self-confidence and a bad body image. You don’t have to wait till January 1 to change your life, you can make a resolution anytime, and this moment seems a good time for me.

I want to be a more positive person.

This is something I have been trying for a little while now- to see the good in everything. Of course, it isn’t very easy, but I’ve found that just viewing things in a different light can make you so much happier. For example, if you just got a really bad cold, try appreciating that you’re a healthy person most of the time, that you aren’t sick with cancer or some other more serious disease. If the guy you like doesn’t like you back, try thinking that at least now you know he is not for you, and you can move on.

I want to be happy with what I have.

There’s always something that could make you more happy, a new wardrobe, a new boyfriend, new friends. You want what you can’t have. Well, even if you got all those things, that would still not be enough. Instead, I want to just be happy with what I have. Happy that I have friends who accept me the way I am, happy that I am healthy, happy that I have a loving family.Those always looking for the next better thing will never be happy. Happiness is about seeing what’s good and beautiful in your life and appreciating it.

I want to live in the moment.

So often I find myself thinking ahead- what will I do after college, what are my summer plans, who will I meet at that party a month from now. It’s good to plan ahead, but at a certain point, it’s also about enjoying what is happening to me now. What is future now will be past soon. I want to be open to what’s happening to me every day, not planning everything ahead.

September 25, 2011 2:46 pm / takingbacksingle

You want what you can’t have

I realized that I have a tendency to like guys who have girlfriends. And it annoys the hell out of me. See I would never do anything with a committed guy, yet I think that maybe because he smiled at me, or talked to me a lot, he will leave his girlfriend for me. Which obviously would never happen. And even if he did, I would probably not date someone who was so quick to dump their girlfriend as soon as the next cute girl came around.

I don’t think this is too rare, anyways, it’s a human phenomenon to want what someone else wants. Because if another girl likes him, that validates the fact that he is indeed attractive, smart, funny, etc. Part of it is also the safety blanket, which really matters for people like me who are kind of scared of commitment. I think subconsciously, I know that nothing will ever happen, and therefore I guess I can like them more, because I’m not as freaked out about having to commit to that one person.

It’s hard to say really why I always to happen to like the taken guys. Part of it is that a lot of them mindlessly flirt with girls because they like the validation that they could have any girl they want, that they are still attractive. I previously wrote about my experience with a committed guy who constantly would play mind games and flirt with girls who really liked him without having any intention of leaving his girlfriend. They think they can have the best of both worlds but that’s not the way it works.

Anyways, I guess I’m trying to move past this. I’m writing this to promise myself that I’m not going to let myself like a guy if I find out he’s taken. It’s just not worth the time and disappointment.

September 20, 2011 12:06 am / takingbacksingle

Goodbye Rapunzel: cutting my hair short

So I previously wrote about wanting to cut my hair , and on Friday, I did get a haircut. Now it’s not that short, really, it’s right above my shoulders.  I won’t post a photo of me, but it is similar to Selena Gomez’s cut below. People tell me I look like her all the time, and I also have slightly wavy brown hair, so it really isn’t too far from the truth.


Anyways, I love it so far! It’s so much easier. Takes less time to wash and dry. Before, my hair was pretty long (right above my boobs) so it would always get everywhere and annoy me, and I would end up putting it up in a bun almost every day. Now it’s not nearly as bothersome.

I also have pretty thick hair, so when it was long, clips and barrettes would just fall down, but now they actually stay up. I do like that I can still put my hair in a ponytail (some of it will fall out, but it mostly stays), and I can still make cute hairstyles with clips and little braids.

I like it so much that I’m thinking of cutting it even shorter next time. Who knows, I’ll get used to this first I guess, but I think Ginnifer Goodwin looks really cute in this slightly shorter wavy bob, so maybe it will be my next adventure to the salon.


What do you think? Did you ever cut your hair short and if so, did you like it?