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April 18, 2011 6:05 pm / takingbacksingle


Today over lunch my friend S told me some news, she had gotten back with her boyfriend.
“That’s so great,” I chimed in, trying to seem enthusiastic, although I could not understand her decision in the least.

Let me start by giving some background. S is a chic New Yorker, with aspirations of a political career. About half a year ago, she met a guy and instantly they hit it off. I had heard her gush about him, how she thought she loved her, until one day when she pulled me aside at a party. Teary eyed, she whispered that they had had a big fight. And then it all spilled out, how he was pushy and manipulative, how he constantly questioned her and did not trust her, how he blamed it all on her. She said she didn’t feel like herself anymore. After many hours talking about the pros and cons of the relationship, she finally decided it would have to end. I assured her she was doing the right thing.

Yet only a couple of days after the break up they are back together again. “Why did you take him back?” I asked her. She said that the time apart (3 days) had been too hard and that it was better to be with him than without him. I nodded, feeling that she would just get angry if I said anything.
I don’t understand, S is a very independent girl and she could definitely meet another guy, yet she chooses to stay with someone who makes her feel “insecure and depressed” (in her own words). Of course, the time immediately following a breakup is always hard, but have we become so weak and dependent (or conditioned to think we are) that we cannot bear to shed a few tears, knowing that soon it will feel better.

The same goes for my friend C, an enthusiastic though somewhat disheveled college student, also self-proclaimed shopaholic. Even though she always complains about how her boyfriend is mean, weird and uncaring, she still stays with him. Her reasoning, “If I broke up with him I’d just be looking for someone else, so I’d rather just stay with him.”

Why have we become so obsessed with being in a relationship that we avoid being single at all costs, even if it means staying in a semi emotionally abusive relationship, or being with someone we do not love. Each person only has one life, and it is my personal philosophy to make the best of it. I want to look back knowing I did what made me happy and surrounded myself with passionate people who respected and loved me. We can never know what the future holds, but changing our present into something we are proud of can put us on the right path.

What do you think? Can you relate to S and C, or do you have any similar friends?


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