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April 18, 2011 2:40 am / takingbacksingle

Last night

Last night I was out at a party with my girlfriends. We had gotten ready together and as we headed towards the locale, the dizzingly sweet smell of perfume and sensual feeling of cold wind against exposed legs was intoxicating. The anticipation was high. After a couple of drinks and some dancing, we were all getting hot and so we decided to get some fresh air. And then it started.

“I want a boyfriend,” said someone, and suddenly we were all chiming in. Complaining about how there weren’t any good guys, well rather, any good guys that were interested in us. Asking if we were too hard to get, too fat, too unrefined, too desperate. Maybe we should just find someone to hook up with, lower our expectations?

This was not the first time. For some reason, at the end of the night there is always that lingering sadness, when you go home by yourself. You feel inadequate, worthless. Maybe if you had worn something else, drank more, been more forward, you would have met someone tonight.

I’m sick of feeling like I’m not good enough because I don’t have a boyfriend. Sick of feeling sad about it. Sick about always wondering before I go somewhere, if I will meet him there. Sick of pretending I don’t care.

I don’t know what has caused this obsession with relationships, maybe it’s Hollywood’s force feeding us fairy tale movies, our concerned mothers constantly inquiring about our love lives or something else.

But it’s time to let it go. In this blog, I hope to move past this obsession, learn something about myself and hear from other people. It might take a while, but I think I’m ready to take back being single.

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