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June 8, 2011 11:19 pm / takingbacksingle

On birthdays

I remember when I was younger the countdown to my birthday that started 3 months before the date. I remember not being able to sleep the night before, my body tense with excitement. And somewhere that changed. I don’t remember exactly when the change occurred, but today I almost forgot about the fact that my birthday is tomorrow. And as I’m preparing to go to bed, I do not feel excited but rather uncertain and a bit scared. At a certain time, birthdays just seem to bring worries about the future. Although I’m still young, I feel worried about increasing responsibility. About soon having to graduate from college and actually know what I want to do with my life. About having to pay my bills and cook food every night. About finding someone and start building a family sometime in this decade of my life. And while I should be excited about these things, I find myself scared. Scared because slowly I’m aging, and soon I will not be a member of the newest generation anymore.

It seems that everyone is telling us that younger is better. People are willing to inject poison into their skin to look younger. The ideal body has somehow become that of a prepubescent girl (or boy).

I remember when I was about to start my first year of college, my grandfather told me, “Live it up, college is the best time of your life.” And this scared me, thinking what if I don’t live it to the fullest, will everything just go downhill. We don’t value wisdom anymore, we value innovation. And instead of learning from older generations about life back then, we see them as foolish because they may be ignorant of the web based constantly connected world in which we live now. Since we are always receiving a constant stream of information (through cell phones, Facebook, Twitter, etc)  what matters is what happens right this instant, not what happened yesterday, let alone a decade ago. And what happens to the past and those who grew up in it, is that they are disregarded. I think that is ultimately what I’m afraid of. Of becoming irrelevant.

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