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July 23, 2011 10:45 pm / takingbacksingle

Sharing your digits: when it’s appropriate to give out your number

So today I got on the train to go home and right when I sat down, my eyes locked with the guy who was sitting across a couple of rows down. He looked nerdy cute (my type!) with light brown hair and black glasses and we kept exchanging glances the entire ride. After a while he waved me over and we started talking. Turns out he is an opera singer!!! He seemed pretty cool, I thought. I told him I would get off soon and so he asked for my number. I hesitated. While he seemed nice enough I had only talked to him for a minute and I said I didn’t feel comfortable. Though he asked twice more, I persisted and he said okay.

Now, what I was thinking of is the question of giving out my number. When is it appropriate and most importantly, safe? My main concern is safety. I am kind of paranoid about these things, but at the same time, one can never be too careful. There are some nasty people out there and it’s important to be aware of that. Let’s say I gave him my number, would it really be safe to meet up? He may seem nice, but who knows, especially when I only talked to him briefly. And in today’s world, a girl has got to put her safety before anything else. There will be (many) other chances for romance.

The second, lesser concern (if he’s not a psycho), is that once you have given out your number, you can never take it back. He could be super clingy or maybe you just change your mind and then you have to figure out a way to let him down… Things get complicated. I have experienced my share of uninhibited texters/ stage 3 clingers who won’t stop contacting me until I state it out VERY clearly. So another one of those guys is not something I need in my life. And it seems they are not as rare as you may think. Though the stereotype is that girls are the clingy ones, in my experience, it’s been the opposite.

Though I may have missed out the opportunity of a fling with an opera singer, I also may have saved myself from a person who could be dangerous or just plain annoying. I may sound as if I am really exaggerating (most guys aren’t psychos), to me, it’s not worth taking a risk. There have been too many stories in the news of missing/ abducted/ raped girls lately, and so we have to protect ourselves. Before giving my number, I generally want to have mutual friends with a guy, or have talked to him on multiple occasions.

What do you think? When do you feel comfortable giving out your number to someone?



Leave a Comment
  1. thelilprince / Jul 26 2011 6:43 am

    haha… you sound a bit schizophrenic… you want to but you don’t want to… the risks you mention will always be risks, and it seems like you prefer the non hassle to the hassle so much more that you would give up someone interesting…

    given the circumstance, i think he did the best he could do. let me ask you this, given the situation, what would have put you at ease in giving him some type of contact info? facebook? email? or was there absolutely no way for him and you to meet again, lest it be by chance?

    • takingbacksingle / Jul 26 2011 4:05 pm

      Well, I certainly would not call myself mentally unwell, maybe a bit careful to trust, but not schizophrenic.
      There are many variables that matter, but I would have felt more comfortable if I had talked to him for longer than a couple of minutes… Also, if it was in a different setting, like at a party where we both know people there. I don’t know I guess, it’s more of a gut feeling, and if something is telling me I should or should not trust someone, I usually go with my intuition.

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