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October 9, 2011 12:03 am / takingbacksingle

Why I’m not “Waiting for Marriage”

Promise rings and Miley Cyrus (not sure if I believe her- but I’ll try not to be judgmental) proclaim, “True Love Waits.” What’s the whole purity ring that seems to have become a trend among the latest generation of Disney Stars?

According to Wikipedia, the purity ring movement started in the 1990s, by Christian pro-abstinence groups. But the notion of waiting for marriage, has existed for a whole lot longer than two decades. Many religions talk about the importance of being chaste. Not too long ago, girls were considered unmarriable if they were not virgins, that’s why they were married off so early. And this notion still exists in the Middle East, creepy as it sounds, a family’s honor may be ruined by a daughter doing it with the neighbor boy. The term “Honor Killing” refers to a father or brother killing their own daughter/ sister because she has dishonored her family. Many times, these killings are caused by suspicions which are proved false, when the girl is already dead.

But apparently, the Middle East is not the only place where one’s honor depends on one’s virginity. In more observant circles of many religions (Christianity, Judaism) here in the US, men want to marry virgins.

Now I don’t find anything wrong with a woman (or man) wanting to wait until marriage to have sex, whether for religious or moral reasons. I think it’s great if it works for you. But I think this should be a personal choice, not one pressured by one’s family or community. And the whole purity ring movement freaks me out? If the point is to not be seen as a sexual object, why would you want to showcase your virginity, broadcasting to the world a very private choice?

I don’t know everything about these communities, but I get the feeling that more often than not, it is expected (or at least can be overlooked) if the boys mess around before settling down. After all, boys will be boys, right? But girls, no of course they should wait, because girls don’t have those kinds of urges! That would be unladylike!

And what’s the whole deal with fathers giving their daughters the ring? I’m not quite sure why, but I just find it creepy for a father to be so occupied with, to put it bluntly, the state of his daughter’s vagina!

I believe in waiting… for marriage? no, for love? yes. I don’t think sex is purely a physical act that means nothing. I think it should be shared between two people who care for each other, but I also believe that if you love each other, and both people are ready, sex is awesome!

I’ve heard the, “If he can test drive the car” or “if he can drink the cow’s milk” arguments, both which say that if the guy can have sex, there is no reason for him to stay with you. I don’t know about you, but I would like it the reason why a guy stays with me is not that he’s waiting for sex. I would like it if he stays with me because he loves me.



Leave a Comment
  1. typefashion / Oct 9 2011 12:46 am

    I agree so much ! Waiting for love is something that parents should try teach to their teens! but asking them to wait for wedding changes the objective to chastity which is so antiquated !

    good post 🙂


    • takingbacksingle / Oct 9 2011 12:47 pm

      That’s a good point- the difference between the idea that sex matters to the idea of chastity. I also think it’s important that parents teach both their sons and their daughters about sex, by only telling girls to wait for love, they are just perpetuating the stereotype that girls should wait longer than boys.

  2. Globe Trotter in Lingerie / Dec 4 2011 10:15 am

    I wish more people took your logical, rational stance on this issue. And I totally agree about the creepiness factor of father’s giving daughters chastity tokens. Even to the point of being still slightly offended by the much more benign tradition of the father “giving away” his daughter to the groom at a wedding.

    • takingbacksingle / Mar 12 2012 12:29 am

      Thanks for the comment! I never thought about the father “giving away” his daughter, but that is strange. I don’t see mothers “giving away” their sons.


  1. Shocker: no one’s waiting for marriage these days « takingbacksingle

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